Untitled

I lay in the familiarity

But it brings me no comfort

My body begins to shake

With the devils inside me

Thrashing and tearing against the walls

That keep them trapped in my body

I breathe

But it does not satisfy my craving for oxygen

I cough, I gasp

But they will not let go

Held hostage to my own mind

My screams muffled by a closed throat,

I lay still, not wanting to breathe,

For it only makes it worse.

Breathing makes it worse.

A Poem?

I watch as the bleached white thread swell and expand,

Metamorphosing into a dark red lagoon,

Yet another sterile cloth for comfort,

Soon to be penetrated by the river of darkness.

Flooding the gauze, flooding my mind.

Another wiped slate pressed upon my mistake.

Another.

Pressure.

Please.

Stop.

Why?

Save me!

So, I originally came on blogger to work on my social activism blog. I swear on my grand piano. But I got mega frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to add an excel pie graph to my post. So I gave up. And now, unfortunately, I am here. Which is only unfortunate because I was trying to work on social to impress my teacher, but I don't have enough attention span. Oh well, I suppose I will have to settle for a mediocre student once again :(

But that is not the only reason I came here.

My dad decided to host a poker night tonight.

My gym teacher is currently sitting upstairs, drinking beer from my fridge, and getting his grimy hands all over my house.

It wouldn't be that big of a deal, teachers seem to frequent our house often, but he is one of the only teachers I can't stand. And even worse, he thinks I like him, which I don't.

I have asked all of my peers for advice on this issue and they said to lock myself in my bedroom.

Wireless internet + basement = hopefully not so horrible evening.

I orginally planned that if I never went upstairs, no one would associate me with this house.

Then I realized my face is plastered all over our walls. And tables. And shelves. So, that plan whent out the window.


Anyways I am not happy. So I shall bury myself in homework. Why am I such a try hard? It's not like it gets me anywhere....

Signing off!

Adorable

Contrary to to title, I am going to begin this post with talking about my adventure today. Chapters! Here are all the books I bought (it won't let me put them side by side). I'm so excited! Even though I am not very happy with myself, because I know I will never have time to read them because I'm failing at being a nerd right now :(

Ok so back to the title. This year, I have taken up teaching piano, correct? Well, I love it. To the point where when I am having the worst day imaginable, spending an hour with my students picks me right up. I even forget I am getting paid to do it. I have no doubt in my mind that I would love to do this for the rest of my life. That in itself is causing a problem. My parents want me to go into medicine, not music. And I'm scared to death that I will get through 8 years of med school just to realize I like teaching piano more.

Oh and something else has come up....

I want to be a mother.

In the kind of way that if it was socially acceptable to get preggo and drop out of highschool, I would. I don't know what it is, but it's just somthing I think about alot. I would love to have a child of my own. I want to start a family. Even though I'm only 15.... Think about it. If I lived 200 years ago, that would be perfectly normal. So why is it so frowned upon today?

Now, don't worry, I'm not dropping out of school. I just don't know if I could postpone that through 8 years of university, plus another couple years to settle down.

My mom says there are alot of things you can only do when your single. But I don't care for travelling and it's not like I will suddenly be an old lady once I settle down.

I still think about that girl, I posted about a while ago. In the more run down area of town. Who, while I was selling chocolate bars door to door, came up and hugged me, and wouldn't let go. I should go find out who she is, and spend time with her. I know she was left alone with the neighborhood kids while her parents weren't home... it just breaks my heart. And to think of innocent children like that getting throw so hard into the real world...

Anyway that was my random ramble for the day. I'm exhausted from the day (oh btw, the gums where my wisdom teeth were removed are infected. Yay, more pills -_-)

TTFN

Game Over

If Mario was your childhood, welcome to Game Over. Because Blogger loves to be closed minded, I am unable to post the video here, so hippity-hop over to my tumblr (more proof I have no social life) and check it out! I just learned it in the 20min I had after supper, so it's only a minute long. I do have all of the music for the game though, and as I learn it I hope to be posting!

Look at me posting twice in one day. God, what a try hard.

Until next time, Adios Amigos!

Plaid-ing it up!

I am so disoriented.... because I just woke up!

Majorly screwing with my sleep patterns here.... It's not my fault!!! My body has gone into "OMG I THINK YOU NEED TO GET A MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE SO I AM GOING TO STRESS YOU OUT LIKE IT'S EXAM WEEK OR SOMETHING"

huh.

But here is the interesting part of this.

So, dreams are like the coolest thing ever right? As soon as I started taking Melatonin, my dreams got strangely vivid and remember able. I have learned one sad fact about myself though. Usually, my dreams are about school.

So pathetic.

But this is majorly screwing with my mind. Usually, when I sleep at night I dream about the next day. So then the entire day I have deja vu. Or I think I did things I didn't and so on and so forth. Pain in the ass.

But this afternoon I took two T3's (I was in pain. Damn wisdom teeth. Or lack thereof. Yay for going to the surgeon again for a checkup) which thankfully knocked me out for a couple hours, and I dreamed about the school day I just had.

It's all so confusing for my poor little developing brain.

That was not the point of the post. God I get distracted easily.

I cut my hair. So now I look like this....

Instead of this:

Trying to go a little more butch? Yeah, a bit. So I took my gay boyfriend to Walmart with me and bombarded the mens section. Because according to him girl's plaid just won't get my point across. The problem being I am a five foot one relative small built female. I guess I should learn to sew.

Anyway I need some of your guys' advice. A while ago, when I came out to my family (as bisexual), my sister (junior high) asked "Does that mean you like boys?" I nodded (I don't really, but it was all part of my act to bring the idea in slowly....) and added "and girls." Maybe she has forgotten, or just decided that was an unimportant event. But she has been pestering me with questions like "Why are you trying to look like a boy? What's with the mens shirts?"

No big deal. Those I can answer. But when she said

"Why don't you have a boyfriend? You're pretty enough for it"

That broke my heart. Maybe it's me not wanting to ruin her innocence. Or the fact that she looks up to me and I don't want that to change. Not that I would blame her, we grew up in a house that shunned the idea of gays.

Just something that's been on my mind.

Anyway that was it for now. I have a couple of drafts of post from when Blogger hated me, which probably contributed to the months and months I did not post.... So I might post those soon. But I shall leave the blogging world alone while I work on all this stuff that my body has decided is stressful enough to not sleep over. Geez. I swear I could divide everything into two: The things my mind does and the things my body does to screw with my mind. I was suppose to be signing off! I guess I need some more Blogging practice :) See ya!

My Social Assignment

Yep, back to old habits and letting the boundries between my school life and my internet life merge.... enjoy by opinionated rant about the WTO!

                 Although once was called the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trades (GATT), this organization has come to be known by a name that makes mothers in third world countries quiver in their stockings… the WTO. Since the year of 1995, the World Trade Organization has stated that its goal is to increase international trade by lowering and removing trade barriers and to make trade more predictable. They portray themselves as heroes, saving the day by ridding the world trade of tariffs and subsidies. This ideal system is labelled ‘Free Trade’, and the WTO has granted itself the power to ensure that the terms of trade agreements are followed. As many 153 countries, with 30 pending, are members with this destructive force. The governments of these countries are putting their trust in this villain to effectively implant trade liberalization throughout the nations, as well as to resolve the disputes between them. Why is the WTO such a monstrous snot-licker? What is its weapon of choice? Read along to find out…

What I have drawn from my research is that the WTO seems to be full of a lot of fake promises. For example, they claim to be responsible for international confidence and encouraging good government. However, they seem to take no responsibility for the harmful decision they make that causes inequality between people of lesser developed countries. Who gave them the right to trample labour and human right laws, or destroy our environmental sustainability? Do transnational corporations have the WTO polishing their shoes?

If building country’s confidence levels is there claim to fame, then they should understand the Parker Brothers ‘Sorry!’ game. An unexplained amount of debt from a less-wealthy-to-begin-with country might send them back to start! Most children in the schoolyard have learned that a false sense of confidence can lead to disaster! In this case, a poor leader might be confident in his luck to draw a backup four, but end up backing up the importing levels due to a bad move on his part.

“We encourage good government” – well, I suppose this would be true, if you were so closed minded to think that the only government worthy of a gold star is the cookie-cutter democracy the larger nations have embedded into their history. Other governments have a potential of thriving, if only they weren’t beat over the head with a rolling pin, told to “be democratic”.

Did I mention the WTO is killing people? Although many speculate about 2012, the fact that the eight months of life to people around the world are being denied is inhumane. Like, wtf WTO? For example, in places such as South Africa and Thailand, they are being prevented from developing their own versions of AIDS drugs that can be sold at a fraction of the original price. Because this drug was developed in a U.S. pharmaceutical industry, they became all hoity-toity and upset that they were not making exorbitant amount of money off of Thais on their deathbeds. Kick them while they are down! Maybe while your over in their country beating them up, you will understand that the extent of the health emergency…. All of this hassle due to the fact that the WTO was not ok with Thailand putting up a chalk line trade barrier to protect itself from the raging HIV destroying thousands of lives. Maybe a little investigation first?

A game of Monopoly is no fun if the rich get richer, because it usually means the poor get poorer. Imagine if the WTO hovered over your family games night and ensured this happened?!?! In fact, the UN Development Program reports that the richest 20% of the world’s population consume 86% of the world’s resources while the poorest 80% consume just 14%. Now, the WTO attributes to this because they allow the richest to invest in the poor. And by invest I mean use cheap labour and low exploitation cost to destroy the country’s economy and make them more poor then they were before. This pulls down wages and environmental standards in developed countries that have to compete globally.

Have you ever heard of a company using child labor to lower manufacturing cost? How about companies that infringe on human rights in other countries where there is no one to stop them? Now, that is a big issue for an overseas country like Canada to try and help with. So instead, we do our share of good deeds by banning products made by these companies, giving them less profit and therefore less damage done. But of course, the WTO “saves the day” but crashing down the trade barrier, crushing Canada’s attempted act of compassion.

And if that isn’t bad enough, like everything else in our modern day world, the WTO is ruining environment sustainability. Although they are not like other companies, who litter our Earth with plastic bags or pollute the waterways. Instead, they target the people trying to make our world a better place. What better way to destroy the environment? For example, in 1993 the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) made a rule that required gasoline refineries to make cleaner gas in an effort to reduce air pollution. They were gracious, though, allowing five years for Venezuela and Brazil to get their act together before threatening to stop the trade. “But there must always be free trade!” according to the WTO, which forced the Clean Air Act to rewrite their standards, and allow citizens in the U.S. to be crippled by asthma and other health problems. 

The WTO policies impact all aspects of society and the planet. So why are we letting transnational corporations inside access to the negotiations? If the WTO claims to be for the interest of the people, how would corporations influence that? As I recall, the goals of transnational corporations are to get as much money from as many people. The combining of these ends in chaos. For example US the Trade Representative relies on its 17 ‘Industry Sector Advisory Committees” to provide input into trade negotiations. Like Pokémon, having a powerful backup line with Charizard, Lapras, Gyrados, and Dragonite will overpower the cries of environmental concerns and human rights from a Magikarp, Zubat, and Metapod.

                But until someone stands up to this force of evil, it will continue manipulating the world within its mighty hands. Perhaps a social studies class of grade 10 students will be able to make enough of an uproar to get the world’s attention. But for now, the WTO will continue to mask itself as a superhero, stealing candy from babies and medication from dying grandmother.

                                -By Jennifer Taylor

Suicide Note.

(If the title scared you calm down..... and read on! I would like to point out I successfully got your attention! But I manipulated the topic.... ahh I'm going to hell anyway)

Dear blogging world, it has been so long! Even google has changed the set up, and won't let me back in to the comfort of it's familiarness...

I took a break from blogger, but now I am back, more mature and read to entertain you with needless, boring details of my life.

My current situation? Its..... 2:26 AM and I am sitting in our fish bowl of a deck, on my oh-so-not deserted blogger account. Moments ago, I heard a crack behind me, and whipped my head around to look through the glass doors.... only to discover that *when you are in a room that is light and look through a window into the night* YOU CAN SEE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!

So I will type my final words to you as the murder outside loads his pistol and uses a bobbypin from his dreadlocks to pick the lock. Oh the joy.

Anyway, I have been speculating why a 15 year old girl is awake at this time in the morning (and no Rosanne, it is not just because I have internet!). Well you see, my clever doctors have been switching my meds around, coincidentally at the same relative time I had my wisdom teeth removed. Apparently combining Celesta, Prozac, and T3's gives you random bursts of energy in the middle of the night! It has been helping with my lack of ambition though.... 5 more English essays and a French project left to go! Oh and another reason would probably be this is like.... the happiest I have been in months and I don't want to waste it by sleeping!

If there is actually a murder outside, would this be a suicide note? Because I'm not bother to do anything about it....

Food for thought.

Speaking of food for thought! You should check out my social activism project! Yes! Charge, my minions!

That's about all I have to say, hopefully I will be inspired enough to come back. Help me out? Talk to me guys.

Bis bald! (Oh btw I took up German.... blah -_-)