Welcome to the inside of my head. This blog changes content from day to day. Poems, rants, updates on my life. Some days I'm happy, some days I'm not. Story of my life bro
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I'm kind of lost right now. I keep going in circles because I haven't really discovered which way is out. I can't figure out whether or not I really have choices anymore. Lately, I have been really worried about the far future (what else means the opposite of "near future"?). I think, or at least I hope, that I am just at that age where I can really decide who I am. I used to KNOW that I loved to learn and be the super nerd and get 90's all the time, but now I'm not really sure. It's exam time, and I have been spending hours studying, but is that really what I want? I could be working so I could afford to send money for kids starving in Africa or I could be writing music or I could be hanging out with my friends. I finally have choices, and I don't know what to do. I finally have the chance to make a difference, and I have the choice to choose not too. It's so hard! Like, I have been saying forever I want to volunteer at the hospital and play piano at seniors homes but did I take the initiative? No, I decided to play volleyball and basketball. But those things keep me healthy and skinney and socialized. See? It's like a circle. Or, I could do everything and stress out and fall in a rut and get depressed and drop everything to climb back out. And then start my life over. I don't know. I just don't know anymore.
I'm taking this music course called Harmony. It's like intense musical study, and it's so hard and dull. Now, I have never had work that is hard for me. Like, I've had trouble, but nothing like this. I don't get it? It's so frusterating. It's pulling my whole mood down. That and the fact that it's January and I am pretty sure I have a touch of SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Now, I have always complained about school being to easy, but this is like the extreme other side. Anyway, I better sign off and get back to studying. I will post some happyier posts when exams are done. Night.