Saturday, November 17, 2012

Kill your brother , he doesn't deserve to live!

"Kill your brother, he doesn't deserve to live!"

That's the background conversation I'm hearing from Rosanne.

"Dude your drunk. Don't stay in the hotel with him. Noooo!"

"Was he weak in the knees?"

*Random Japanese*

.....Busted. She just read what I was typing.

"Omg, he's ontop of him. Disgusting. Then he stabs him. And he starts crying. No! You were suppose to kiss the other guy!"

Well that escalated quickly.

Hey everyone! Obviously I'm not alone on this end of the keyboard. Rosanne is reading a manga outloud. Well not really, she is just giving commentary on the important parts.

Alright she just told me off for blogging about her. So now on to the actual topic.

One of my favourite customers came into work again today (Erskine Grill - flipping burgers...) Like most of the guys that come in, he is some lonely old bachelor that likes the company of the girls that work in the store. Thankfully, unlike some of the others, he doesn't try to hit on me. His name is Al, and I can always recognize him because he is missing most of his left hand.

Whenever I ask him how he is doing, he always replies "I am extremely happy."

One day, after giving such response, he added "... you know I'm not actually extremely happy all the time, that's just my response"

And so I told him that it was the favourite part of my day, because the more you say it, the easier it is to believe it yourself.

Another one of my favourite customers is a heavy smoker. And every weekend he comes all joyous and asks for two packs of cigarettes. So one day I told him that it was painful for me to sell such a horrible drug to such a wonderful person. His response was something along the lines of "well it's a good thing you're cute."

You know, I love getting to know the regulars.But it's hard when I only work Saturday-Sunday. And this might sound weird, but I don't even mind when they hit on me. If they get too persistant, I just explain that I have a girlfriend :P

Friday, November 16, 2012

We weren't allowed to write a list poem...

This afternoon I gave one of my teachers permission to stalk my blog. Now I know of a few teachers who have found it through my account, but he is trying to use google. All I gave him was "Inside My Head", and it's a blogger.

So if he succeeded, everyone say hi to Mr. McRae.

In other news, I learned a new word today: Bassackwards.

Which is a euphemistic spoonerism (that was the word I learned last week) for assbackwards. defines assbackwards as "in a manner incongruously or preposterously counter to what is customary, probable, or feasible"

  Ahhh, how I spend my Friday nights.

Another interesting point from my day: Our writing prompt today in English was our favourite things. So I took it Sound o' Music style. I would sing this for you, but it would probably be lost in translation. And if you don't know the song, don't bother. I don't want you to ruin this for me.

Dresses on women
and warm cups of coffee

Smells of a rainstorm
and caramel toffee

Old uprights pianos with ivory keys,
These are a few of my favourite things.

That's all it is. But I really like the idea of this poem, so I might expand on this later. I see this as a poem that speaks volumes about my entire existence, not just what physical objects I like. Here, let me explain:

Dresses on women: .... Pretty self-explanatory. I like to look at women. Especially when they expect me to look at them.

Warm cups of coffee: Does anyone ask why the coffee is not hot? First of all, warm is a sweeter word that "hot". And I like to think of warm meaning it is not top priority, more like adding colour to a drawing.

Smells of a rainstorm: Nobody stops during a rainstorm to smell it, because there are usually other concerns. But after, you are free to stop and smell the roses, and enjoy what you have been through. In other words, I don't regret all of the issues I have dealt with in the past (more teen angst), because now I appreciate the present much more.

Caramel Toffee: The first girl that I would ever dare say that I loved was named Carmelle. Nuff said.

Old upright pianos with ivory keys: I have to admit, I feel guilty putting this line in. I definitely prefer my new Kawai grand piano to the upright upstairs, but that just wasn't poetic.

I usually don't dissect my poems like this, I just thought it was neat that each line almost had a double meaning. Maybe I will come back with a real poem.

Give me a break, it's Friday.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Yep. I am definately worried.

So, I'm a little concerned about the history of my blog.

I have offically been running this blog for two years. Or more like walking it at the pace I've been going.

Two years ago I was such a different person. It is interesting to see how much I have matured. Also a bit scary.

I like the fact that I can look back a think ".... I really wasted my precious brain power on that crap" but I don't like that you as a reader can do that as well.

I think a lot differently now. Therefore I write a lot differently. (I also type a lot faster but that is besides the point).


Why do I bother coming to blogger? I've been on tumblr for quite a while now.... (it's weird that I don't want to affiliate with myself, but... )

Do you guys judge me? For changing? God it sucks being in highschool. As much as I fear the future, I am getting sick of the continuous growing up that I have to do. I know this is so cliche, but I hate looking back upon every year going "geez, you should have known better". I feel like as a claimingly intelligent individual, this should be unnessecary step to becoming an adult.

All my teachers keeps saying that I will flourish as a person in university. That that life will suit me better. That I should just look at highschool as "that awkward moment between birth and life".

Maybe I should just stick to posting poetry, because this is nonsense.

All this thinking of future vs. present is anxiety inducing. *teenage angst*

Although not entirely appropriate, this seems like a YOLO moment.

Thursday, October 11, 2012


Hey guys. I'm back.

Mostly because I missed blogging.

A little bit because I seem to end up here whenever I'm trying to write essays. (I also tried to spell "essays" like "essaies" which is extremely ironically the verb to try in French which I also should be studying...)

Can I share? This is the start of an assignment for my Social 20-1 Class.... Feel free to opinionate on me :)

Revolutions develop a sense of nationalism by expanding on a collective consciousness shared by the people. In the example of the French Revolution, the collective consciousness was found within the people of the third estate, the lowest level in the three-class system in France. Similarly, the American Revolution consisted of the thirteen North American colonies amalgamating together to stand against and break free from the British Empire. In both examples, the revolutionaries were united through common values such as religious, political, linguistic, or social factors. Occurring during the Age of Enlightenment, each factor had a specific role in the development of nationalism in both the French and the American Revolutions.

                The definition of The Enlightenment (as par with Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary) is “An 18th century philosophical movement stressing the importance of reason and the critical reappraisal of existing ideas and social institutions, bringing about many humanitarian reforms.” Beginning with the reformations of views in areas such as science, philosophy, and politics, these new ideas swept through the societies across Europe and into North America. Memorably, The Enlightenment of the French Revolution culminated during its ideals of freedom and equality for all, founded upon the principles of humanitarian reasoning, appearing also in America with the United States Declaration of Independence and Constitution. Politically, it can be distinguished by the underlying emphasis on liberty, democracy, and republicanism, and to rid the governing powers of religious intolerance.
Yep. That's it. It's been like three hours..... Yesterday my teacher complimented me on how hard I had worked, and that she was impressed. I carefully pointed out I had written two and a half sentences in class of 1.5 hours. But on the whole I am impressed with myself. Except I am worried that although I able going to write a fantastic essay, she is more interested in the video (oh yeah, group project... did I forget to mention that? I claimed the writing part and then preceded to ignore them).
I miss blogging. I have a feeling you will be seeing a lot more of me now. But I must sign off because I have to be at school in seven hours and thirty minutes, and sleep is actually sounding appetizing tonight :)

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Well, I am officially done my sophomore year. I should be excited right? Two more years left and then I'm out of this shithole town. Isn't that what I have always wanted?


When I'm at school, I know what's expected of me, and I do that. I can be whoever I want. I (for the most part) don't have to censor what I say in case it might accidently offend someone, and I can do what I want with me life. I am in control.

I feel like at home, I'm just expected to be. They don't know how to treat me, they don't know how or when to punish me for being a failer. They push me in the direction of succeed, but I would rather find the path myself. Everyone is so quick to judge around here... To be honest, when I'm at home, I sleep, because it's better than being awake.

Which is horrid. And I hate it. I just want to be back at school where everything is normal.

What the hell happens when I can't come back? I hate thinking about my future. The farthest ahead I am thinking is September because then I can go back to being me.

Sorry for the confusing post. I'm off to bed. I just needed to rant.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Why the hell do I blog?

Why the hell do I blog?

That's an interesting question, you see. My sister thinks it just a public diary.... which it sorta is. I could never keep a diary though, because "nobody is suppose to read it".

I like to share my thoughts. I like to write without anyone expecting it to be any good. It's basically I type my exact thought patterns to a random place on the internet.

My blog is a mess right now. What evs.

I could actually make this post about something. But my brain is worn out. And I'm not here to impress anyone.

Oh oh oh the newest word in my vocabulary? Totalitarianism (I think that was it). In social studies of course.

Next thought bubble: So we are talking about human trafficking. And sex trafficking. Which is scary stuff. Why? Like smartin the fuck up world! Who lets this happen? I thought we are getting more civilized.

My mom told me that she suspects the neighbors marriage was a "male order bride" type situation. She and her daughter are from New Zealand, and she is quite a bit younger than he is. Currently, she is the only one earning income and I suspect she does the house work as well. Scary stuff.

That's really all the energy I have to talk about it, but I will let you know more as I'm learning about it! I can't believe I spend my life on the internet and the fact that there are more slaves now then ever has never even crossed my mind!

Sorry for the morbid topic, but it's nice to be informed of this terribleness once in a while. Makes you human.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


.... Smile Jen, it's a new day.

It has been Tuesday for exactly 42 minutes. June 5th. 2012.

Why do days start at midnight? Nobody is awake then. Shouldn't the day start at 6:00AM?

Well, I suppose I am awake now.

I don't want to start my day.

Last time I was blogging at this time, I didn't want to go to sleep because I was happy.

I'm just worn out now. Tired of being tired. How do I fix that? I felt fantastic this morning.

I hate these dramatic swings.

Anyway, I took some "multiple intelligences" quiz for school. It told me I was strong in musical intelligence. No shit Sherlock. But my second level was intrapersonal.

Meaning I understand myself. Which is absolute bullshit. I have no idea who I am anymore. It's actually one of the topics I want to bring up with my psychologist. I love it in social class when we do opinions, because it is something I can be sure about. It has nothing to do with who I am. Just what I think.

I like to think. But not about me. Or my future.

I should sign off. This is getting more and more mentally derived.

Don't worry, I will come back on my next ungodly hour upstairs adventure.

Monday, May 28, 2012


I lay in the familiarity

But it brings me no comfort

My body begins to shake

With the devils inside me

Thrashing and tearing against the walls

That keep them trapped in my body

I breathe

But it does not satisfy my craving for oxygen

I cough, I gasp

But they will not let go

Held hostage to my own mind

My screams muffled by a closed throat,

I lay still, not wanting to breathe,

For it only makes it worse.

Breathing makes it worse.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Poem?

I watch as the bleached white thread swell and expand,

Metamorphosing into a dark red lagoon,

Yet another sterile cloth for comfort,

Soon to be penetrated by the river of darkness.

Flooding the gauze, flooding my mind.

Another wiped slate pressed upon my mistake.






Friday, May 25, 2012

Save me!

So, I originally came on blogger to work on my social activism blog. I swear on my grand piano. But I got mega frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to add an excel pie graph to my post. So I gave up. And now, unfortunately, I am here. Which is only unfortunate because I was trying to work on social to impress my teacher, but I don't have enough attention span. Oh well, I suppose I will have to settle for a mediocre student once again :(

But that is not the only reason I came here.

My dad decided to host a poker night tonight.

My gym teacher is currently sitting upstairs, drinking beer from my fridge, and getting his grimy hands all over my house.

It wouldn't be that big of a deal, teachers seem to frequent our house often, but he is one of the only teachers I can't stand. And even worse, he thinks I like him, which I don't.

I have asked all of my peers for advice on this issue and they said to lock myself in my bedroom.

Wireless internet + basement = hopefully not so horrible evening.

I orginally planned that if I never went upstairs, no one would associate me with this house.

Then I realized my face is plastered all over our walls. And tables. And shelves. So, that plan whent out the window.

Anyways I am not happy. So I shall bury myself in homework. Why am I such a try hard? It's not like it gets me anywhere....

Signing off!

Thursday, May 10, 2012


Contrary to to title, I am going to begin this post with talking about my adventure today. Chapters! Here are all the books I bought (it won't let me put them side by side). I'm so excited! Even though I am not very happy with myself, because I know I will never have time to read them because I'm failing at being a nerd right now :(
Ok so back to the title. This year, I have taken up teaching piano, correct? Well, I love it. To the point where when I am having the worst day imaginable, spending an hour with my students picks me right up. I even forget I am getting paid to do it. I have no doubt in my mind that I would love to do this for the rest of my life. That in itself is causing a problem. My parents want me to go into medicine, not music. And I'm scared to death that I will get through 8 years of med school just to realize I like teaching piano more.

Oh and something else has come up....

I want to be a mother.

In the kind of way that if it was socially acceptable to get preggo and drop out of highschool, I would. I don't know what it is, but it's just somthing I think about alot. I would love to have a child of my own. I want to start a family. Even though I'm only 15.... Think about it. If I lived 200 years ago, that would be perfectly normal. So why is it so frowned upon today?

Now, don't worry, I'm not dropping out of school. I just don't know if I could postpone that through 8 years of university, plus another couple years to settle down.

My mom says there are alot of things you can only do when your single. But I don't care for travelling and it's not like I will suddenly be an old lady once I settle down.

I still think about that girl, I posted about a while ago. In the more run down area of town. Who, while I was selling chocolate bars door to door, came up and hugged me, and wouldn't let go. I should go find out who she is, and spend time with her. I know she was left alone with the neighborhood kids while her parents weren't home... it just breaks my heart. And to think of innocent children like that getting throw so hard into the real world...

Anyway that was my random ramble for the day. I'm exhausted from the day (oh btw, the gums where my wisdom teeth were removed are infected. Yay, more pills -_-)


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Game Over

If Mario was your childhood, welcome to Game Over. Because Blogger loves to be closed minded, I am unable to post the video here, so hippity-hop over to my tumblr (more proof I have no social life) and check it out! I just learned it in the 20min I had after supper, so it's only a minute long. I do have all of the music for the game though, and as I learn it I hope to be posting!

Look at me posting twice in one day. God, what a try hard.

Until next time, Adios Amigos!

Plaid-ing it up!

I am so disoriented.... because I just woke up!

Majorly screwing with my sleep patterns here.... It's not my fault!!! My body has gone into "OMG I THINK YOU NEED TO GET A MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE SO I AM GOING TO STRESS YOU OUT LIKE IT'S EXAM WEEK OR SOMETHING"


But here is the interesting part of this.

So, dreams are like the coolest thing ever right? As soon as I started taking Melatonin, my dreams got strangely vivid and remember able. I have learned one sad fact about myself though. Usually, my dreams are about school.

So pathetic.

But this is majorly screwing with my mind. Usually, when I sleep at night I dream about the next day. So then the entire day I have deja vu. Or I think I did things I didn't and so on and so forth. Pain in the ass.

But this afternoon I took two T3's (I was in pain. Damn wisdom teeth. Or lack thereof. Yay for going to the surgeon again for a checkup) which thankfully knocked me out for a couple hours, and I dreamed about the school day I just had.

It's all so confusing for my poor little developing brain.

That was not the point of the post. God I get distracted easily.

I cut my hair. So now I look like this....

Instead of this:

Trying to go a little more butch? Yeah, a bit. So I took my gay boyfriend to Walmart with me and bombarded the mens section. Because according to him girl's plaid just won't get my point across. The problem being I am a five foot one relative small built female. I guess I should learn to sew.

Anyway I need some of your guys' advice. A while ago, when I came out to my family (as bisexual), my sister (junior high) asked "Does that mean you like boys?" I nodded (I don't really, but it was all part of my act to bring the idea in slowly....) and added "and girls." Maybe she has forgotten, or just decided that was an unimportant event. But she has been pestering me with questions like "Why are you trying to look like a boy? What's with the mens shirts?"

No big deal. Those I can answer. But when she said

"Why don't you have a boyfriend? You're pretty enough for it"

That broke my heart. Maybe it's me not wanting to ruin her innocence. Or the fact that she looks up to me and I don't want that to change. Not that I would blame her, we grew up in a house that shunned the idea of gays.

Just something that's been on my mind.

Anyway that was it for now. I have a couple of drafts of post from when Blogger hated me, which probably contributed to the months and months I did not post.... So I might post those soon. But I shall leave the blogging world alone while I work on all this stuff that my body has decided is stressful enough to not sleep over. Geez. I swear I could divide everything into two: The things my mind does and the things my body does to screw with my mind. I was suppose to be signing off! I guess I need some more Blogging practice :) See ya!

My Social Assignment

Yep, back to old habits and letting the boundries between my school life and my internet life merge.... enjoy by opinionated rant about the WTO!

                 Although once was called the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trades (GATT), this organization has come to be known by a name that makes mothers in third world countries quiver in their stockings… the WTO. Since the year of 1995, the World Trade Organization has stated that its goal is to increase international trade by lowering and removing trade barriers and to make trade more predictable. They portray themselves as heroes, saving the day by ridding the world trade of tariffs and subsidies. This ideal system is labelled ‘Free Trade’, and the WTO has granted itself the power to ensure that the terms of trade agreements are followed. As many 153 countries, with 30 pending, are members with this destructive force. The governments of these countries are putting their trust in this villain to effectively implant trade liberalization throughout the nations, as well as to resolve the disputes between them. Why is the WTO such a monstrous snot-licker? What is its weapon of choice? Read along to find out…

What I have drawn from my research is that the WTO seems to be full of a lot of fake promises. For example, they claim to be responsible for international confidence and encouraging good government. However, they seem to take no responsibility for the harmful decision they make that causes inequality between people of lesser developed countries. Who gave them the right to trample labour and human right laws, or destroy our environmental sustainability? Do transnational corporations have the WTO polishing their shoes?
If building country’s confidence levels is there claim to fame, then they should understand the Parker Brothers ‘Sorry!’ game. An unexplained amount of debt from a less-wealthy-to-begin-with country might send them back to start! Most children in the schoolyard have learned that a false sense of confidence can lead to disaster! In this case, a poor leader might be confident in his luck to draw a backup four, but end up backing up the importing levels due to a bad move on his part.
“We encourage good government” – well, I suppose this would be true, if you were so closed minded to think that the only government worthy of a gold star is the cookie-cutter democracy the larger nations have embedded into their history. Other governments have a potential of thriving, if only they weren’t beat over the head with a rolling pin, told to “be democratic”.
Did I mention the WTO is killing people? Although many speculate about 2012, the fact that the eight months of life to people around the world are being denied is inhumane. Like, wtf WTO? For example, in places such as South Africa and Thailand, they are being prevented from developing their own versions of AIDS drugs that can be sold at a fraction of the original price. Because this drug was developed in a U.S. pharmaceutical industry, they became all hoity-toity and upset that they were not making exorbitant amount of money off of Thais on their deathbeds. Kick them while they are down! Maybe while your over in their country beating them up, you will understand that the extent of the health emergency…. All of this hassle due to the fact that the WTO was not ok with Thailand putting up a chalk line trade barrier to protect itself from the raging HIV destroying thousands of lives. Maybe a little investigation first?
A game of Monopoly is no fun if the rich get richer, because it usually means the poor get poorer. Imagine if the WTO hovered over your family games night and ensured this happened?!?! In fact, the UN Development Program reports that the richest 20% of the world’s population consume 86% of the world’s resources while the poorest 80% consume just 14%. Now, the WTO attributes to this because they allow the richest to invest in the poor. And by invest I mean use cheap labour and low exploitation cost to destroy the country’s economy and make them more poor then they were before. This pulls down wages and environmental standards in developed countries that have to compete globally.
Have you ever heard of a company using child labor to lower manufacturing cost? How about companies that infringe on human rights in other countries where there is no one to stop them? Now, that is a big issue for an overseas country like Canada to try and help with. So instead, we do our share of good deeds by banning products made by these companies, giving them less profit and therefore less damage done. But of course, the WTO “saves the day” but crashing down the trade barrier, crushing Canada’s attempted act of compassion.
And if that isn’t bad enough, like everything else in our modern day world, the WTO is ruining environment sustainability. Although they are not like other companies, who litter our Earth with plastic bags or pollute the waterways. Instead, they target the people trying to make our world a better place. What better way to destroy the environment? For example, in 1993 the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) made a rule that required gasoline refineries to make cleaner gas in an effort to reduce air pollution. They were gracious, though, allowing five years for Venezuela and Brazil to get their act together before threatening to stop the trade. “But there must always be free trade!” according to the WTO, which forced the Clean Air Act to rewrite their standards, and allow citizens in the U.S. to be crippled by asthma and other health problems. 
The WTO policies impact all aspects of society and the planet. So why are we letting transnational corporations inside access to the negotiations? If the WTO claims to be for the interest of the people, how would corporations influence that? As I recall, the goals of transnational corporations are to get as much money from as many people. The combining of these ends in chaos. For example US the Trade Representative relies on its 17 ‘Industry Sector Advisory Committees” to provide input into trade negotiations. Like Pokémon, having a powerful backup line with Charizard, Lapras, Gyrados, and Dragonite will overpower the cries of environmental concerns and human rights from a Magikarp, Zubat, and Metapod.

                But until someone stands up to this force of evil, it will continue manipulating the world within its mighty hands. Perhaps a social studies class of grade 10 students will be able to make enough of an uproar to get the world’s attention. But for now, the WTO will continue to mask itself as a superhero, stealing candy from babies and medication from dying grandmother.

                                -By Jennifer Taylor

Suicide Note.

(If the title scared you calm down..... and read on! I would like to point out I successfully got your attention! But I manipulated the topic.... ahh I'm going to hell anyway)

Dear blogging world, it has been so long! Even google has changed the set up, and won't let me back in to the comfort of it's familiarness...

I took a break from blogger, but now I am back, more mature and read to entertain you with needless, boring details of my life.

My current situation? Its..... 2:26 AM and I am sitting in our fish bowl of a deck, on my oh-so-not deserted blogger account. Moments ago, I heard a crack behind me, and whipped my head around to look through the glass doors.... only to discover that *when you are in a room that is light and look through a window into the night* YOU CAN SEE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!

So I will type my final words to you as the murder outside loads his pistol and uses a bobbypin from his dreadlocks to pick the lock. Oh the joy.

Anyway, I have been speculating why a 15 year old girl is awake at this time in the morning (and no Rosanne, it is not just because I have internet!). Well you see, my clever doctors have been switching my meds around, coincidentally at the same relative time I had my wisdom teeth removed. Apparently combining Celesta, Prozac, and T3's gives you random bursts of energy in the middle of the night! It has been helping with my lack of ambition though.... 5 more English essays and a French project left to go! Oh and another reason would probably be this is like.... the happiest I have been in months and I don't want to waste it by sleeping!

If there is actually a murder outside, would this be a suicide note? Because I'm not bother to do anything about it....

Food for thought.

Speaking of food for thought! You should check out my social activism project! Yes! Charge, my minions!

That's about all I have to say, hopefully I will be inspired enough to come back. Help me out? Talk to me guys.

Bis bald! (Oh btw I took up German.... blah -_-)

Look! I'm being all computer geeky!

Words on My Blog!

Wordle: Blogging