Rant

Well, I am officially done my sophomore year. I should be excited right? Two more years left and then I'm out of this shithole town. Isn't that what I have always wanted?

No.

When I'm at school, I know what's expected of me, and I do that. I can be whoever I want. I (for the most part) don't have to censor what I say in case it might accidently offend someone, and I can do what I want with me life. I am in control.

I feel like at home, I'm just expected to be. They don't know how to treat me, they don't know how or when to punish me for being a failer. They push me in the direction of succeed, but I would rather find the path myself. Everyone is so quick to judge around here... To be honest, when I'm at home, I sleep, because it's better than being awake.

Which is horrid. And I hate it. I just want to be back at school where everything is normal.

What the hell happens when I can't come back? I hate thinking about my future. The farthest ahead I am thinking is September because then I can go back to being me.

Sorry for the confusing post. I'm off to bed. I just needed to rant.

Why the hell do I blog?

Why the hell do I blog?

That's an interesting question, you see. My sister thinks it just a public diary.... which it sorta is. I could never keep a diary though, because "nobody is suppose to read it".

I like to share my thoughts. I like to write without anyone expecting it to be any good. It's basically I type my exact thought patterns to a random place on the internet.

My blog is a mess right now. What evs.

I could actually make this post about something. But my brain is worn out. And I'm not here to impress anyone.

Oh oh oh the newest word in my vocabulary? Totalitarianism (I think that was it). In social studies of course.

Next thought bubble: So we are talking about human trafficking. And sex trafficking. Which is scary stuff. Why? Like smartin the fuck up world! Who lets this happen? I thought we are getting more civilized.

My mom told me that she suspects the neighbors marriage was a "male order bride" type situation. She and her daughter are from New Zealand, and she is quite a bit younger than he is. Currently, she is the only one earning income and I suspect she does the house work as well. Scary stuff.

That's really all the energy I have to talk about it, but I will let you know more as I'm learning about it! I can't believe I spend my life on the internet and the fact that there are more slaves now then ever has never even crossed my mind!

Sorry for the morbid topic, but it's nice to be informed of this terribleness once in a while. Makes you human.

Smile...

.... Smile Jen, it's a new day.

It has been Tuesday for exactly 42 minutes. June 5th. 2012.

Why do days start at midnight? Nobody is awake then. Shouldn't the day start at 6:00AM?

Well, I suppose I am awake now.

I don't want to start my day.

Last time I was blogging at this time, I didn't want to go to sleep because I was happy.

I'm just worn out now. Tired of being tired. How do I fix that? I felt fantastic this morning.

I hate these dramatic swings.

Anyway, I took some "multiple intelligences" quiz for school. It told me I was strong in musical intelligence. No shit Sherlock. But my second level was intrapersonal.

Meaning I understand myself. Which is absolute bullshit. I have no idea who I am anymore. It's actually one of the topics I want to bring up with my psychologist. I love it in social class when we do opinions, because it is something I can be sure about. It has nothing to do with who I am. Just what I think.

I like to think. But not about me. Or my future.

I should sign off. This is getting more and more mentally derived.

Don't worry, I will come back on my next ungodly hour upstairs adventure.